Facebook and I have an on-again/off-again relationship. As a rule, I don’t like to be one of those people who follows trends, and it took me a long time to decide to even get on there. I finally did because my granddaughters lived far away and I wanted to be able to keep up with them.
As the best-laid plans do, that one backfired on me. The girls turned out to have actual lives, and for the most part declined to live them through social media. I, however, started to think a day without Facebook wasn’t much of a day at all. The ideas! The humor! And the cat videos! Lots of cat videos. I was hooked.
And then came election year. I didn’t see a problem with that at first. What could be wrong with a forum in which people could express their political opinions and engage in civilized conversation? Between work and home and church, I was pretty much surrounded by people who thought just like I did. Even when I did encounter people with different ideologies I didn’t talk much. My tendency to speak first and think later doesn’t lend itself to vigorous political debate. My opinions are generally better expressed in writing so that I have time to mull over and process information.
I must say, I overthought that whole thing. Facebook is a land without logic, a place where the person with the least evidence is the most believed. There is no claim too outrageous, no hoax too old, and no photo too doctored to post there.
Here’s what I learned on Facebook.
- There is black, and there is white. If you think gray exists, you, my friend, are part of the problem.
- If you are a Republican, Democrats are America-hating, unpatriotic pieces of shit blocking the progress of real Americans.
- If you are a Democrat, Republicans are war-mongering, gun-toting, misogynistic pieces of shit blocking the progress of real Americans.
- If you are a woman and you believe it is your constitutional right to choose what happens to your body, you are a baby-killing, family-hating slut who is worried that an unwanted pregnancy will ruin your figure.
- If you are a man and you believe it is a woman’s constitutional right to choose what happens to her body, you are a communist.
- If you think it is your right to own and use firearms, you are five minutes away from blowing up a federal office building.
- If you believe it is your right to own and use firearms but also feel that we need to establish some reasonable restrictions to keep them out of the hands of people who suffer from mental illness, you might as well put one of those guns to your own head and pull the trigger, because that’s what any gun control legislation will eventually lead to.
- If you don’t like Hillary Clinton, you are a moron.
- If you like Hillary Clinton, you are an idiot.
- If history is not on your side, it’s because the lowlifes who write textbooks have perverted the truth.
- We have seen Barack Obama’s birth certificate, both long and short. There is no doubt that he is American. Unless he is Kenyan. And Muslim. And the Anti-Christ.
- Racism is a figment of the liberal imagination. It must be true because Ben Carson said so, and he’s black.
- Homosexuals are pedophiles.
- If we allow same sex marriage, we might as well start banning heterosexual marriage.
- If you sympathize with victims of the terrorist acts in France, you don’t care about the people who died on 9/11.
- If you support freedom of religion you are an atheist.
- If you are an atheist you hate Baptists.
- If you are a Baptist you hate Jews.
- If you are a Jew you hate Christians.
- If you pray for peace you hate people who serve in the military.
- If you serve in the military, you are a war-mongering civilian-bombing Nazi.
- If you cry for Syrian refugees, you don’t deserve to live in this here United States.
- If you cry for the soldier who has waited two years for veteran’s benefits, you might as well take food from a starving child’s mouth.
- The Affordable Care Act is the worst thing to ever happen to this country.
Oh, yeah. Donald Trump is a douche bag. That one’s on me. If you and I don’t share that opinion, you probably won’t see this because I’ve already unfriended you and blocked your access to my blog.