Ruminations of a Red Dirt Hussy

July 4, 2014

Don’t just sit there. Do something.

First, don’t you judge me for that apostrophe. How would you have done it? SOS? Well, what kind of signal does that send? So to speak. While we may need to call for help, an SOS will do no good whatsoever. I mean, who you gonna call? Ghostbusters?

The men of SCOTUS have spoken. Wait. What’s that? There are women, too? Oh. But they’re outnumbered. I see.

SCOTUS screwed up. The ruling is narrow? The ruling will not lead to other corporations asking for exceptions for similar reasons? No widespread ramifications? Giving SCOTUS the benefit of doubt they don’t deserve, those statements are disingenuous at best.

Consider the following, and trust me when I say that even in my most astonishingly creative moments, I could not make this shit up:

According to the Washington Post, two days after the Hobby Lobby decision, a group of religious leaders wrote President Obama asking to be relieved of a pending executive order prohibiting federal contractors from discriminatory hiring practices against LBGT applicants. The writers of the letter stated, “Without a robust religious exemption . . . this expansion of hiring rights will come at an unreasonable cost to the common good, national unity and religious freedom.” Of course, this begs the question of whose religion should be free.

Further evidence of the Court’s disingenuousness is the fact that the day after the Hobby Lobby ruling, SCOTUS issued orders regarding six other cases in which employers claimed religious objections to not just Hobby Lobby’s four, but every one of the contraceptive services required under the Affordable Care Act. The LA Times reported, “The court ordered appeals courts to either reconsider their rejection of the employers’ claims in light of the Hobby Lobby decision, or let stand lower courts’ endorsement of those claims.” 

If consistent adherence to belief system had been part of the Court’s litmus test, Hobby Lobby might have suffered in the outcome. Mother Jones, revealed such an inconsistency, if not outright hypocrisy, in Hobby Lobby’s objections to paying for contraception. The company’s employee retirement plan has stock worth $73 million in companies that manufacture the very drugs and devices they don’t want to provide.

Not only do these companies, which include Teva Pharmaceuticals, Bayer, AstraZeneca, and Pfizer, make the emergency contraception and IUDs to which the Greens object, they also manufacture drugs used in the performance of abortion and drugs used to induce abortion.

Well, my goodness. Who do you do you suppose chose those investments? Who do you suppose matches employee contributions every month? It couldn’t be the Greens. That would make them—what do call it?—oh, yeah. Misogynistic hypocrites. That’s probably why they still provide coverage of Viagra and vasectomies. I wonder how the Supreme Court decision would have gone had Hobby Lobby placed those on their list of the ungodlies?

I doubt such inconsistencies ever entered the Green’s heads. Religion has a way of dulling critical thinking skills and numbing the conscience. If a disagreeable idea did manage to slip through, thumping that Bible a little harder would make it go away.

As usual, it took me about 500 words to get to my point. I do have one. And it is this: Stop that infernal bitching and do something, people. If you don’t have any ideas, consider mine, listed below. They won’t right the wrong, but you might feel better.

  •  Drive to Michael’s for your must-have made-in-China Popsicle sticks, your beads and buttons and dried flowers. Download coupons at
  • Buy a woman an IUD.
  • Tear up that full-page gloating, proselytizing, scripture-palooza on page 9 of this morning’s Tulsa World. Burn it on the grill with the hot dogs. Before you do, though, download your free Bible app from Mardel’s Web site and jot down 1-888-NEED-HIM so you, too, can know Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. It’s toll-free.

Because, you know, the Green family is like the Jesus call-center.

You’re welcome. And I am not making this shit up.





November 21, 2012

Must I repeat myself?

Why do I have to keep repeating myself?

Mary Fallin doesn’t listen to a thing I say. Or a thing you say, or a thing the 200,000 Oklahomans without health care say. I would blame this on repeated blonde moments, or ADD except 1, I know too many Blondes with Brains (BwB), 1b, I’m not sure Fifty Shades of Pale actually qualifies her as a blonde, and 3) those of us who have ADD may have trouble focusing (except when we’re focused), but we sure as shit have no trouble hearing.

The real problem isn’t what’s on her head, anyway. It’s where her head is. Do you know where it is? I’m fixing to tell you (although you certainly could guess by using inductive reasoning, because all ya’ll are smart).

Where her head is is up her ass. I told her very clearly to remove the aforementioned head from said ass, shove her politics up there, and do what she gets paid to do—serve us. Those who voted for her and those who didn’t. Those who can further her political career, and those who can’t.  Those who can spend almost $300,000 on travel, and those who—oh. Wait. That was on the taxpayers’ dime, wasn’t it? We did pay for it. Never mind.

In Wayne Greene’s 11/20/2012 Tulsa World article, Fallin says, “It does not benefit Oklahoma taxpayers to actively support a new government program that will ultimately be under the control of the federal government, that is opposed by a clear majority of Oklahomans and that will further the implementation of a law that threatens to erode both the quality of American health care and the fiscal stability of the nation” (A1).

Ok. I didn’t get that poll. Did you get that poll? I don’t know a single person who got that poll. So what I did was what any right-thinking person would do. You know what that was? I called her up. For me, that’s a massive undertaking. First, I had to find my phone. Then, I have to find the number (which, by the way, is 405-521-2342, just in case you want to call her and say hey) I just wrote down and then lost. Then, I have to grit my teeth and dial, because I hate the telephone. It’s an instrument of torture.

But I did it. I even called the office in Oklahoma City instead of the one in Tulsa, so you know I’m serious. I’ll call long-distance when I’m serious. Don’t think I won’t.

So I called, and apparently the governor couldn’t answer herself (possibly on account of a cell phone not fitting up there in her butt, you know, where her head is? There should be an app for that.) Or maybe we sent her on another quick trip to Ireland? Football game in Arizona? Cocktails with T. Boone Pickens? If she does happen to be in when you call, would you mind asking her if it’s true that her husband receives federal money for not growing crops on land he owns? Seriously. Inquiring minds want to know, and I truly don’t.

As I said, the Governor wasn’t in. So, what I did was, I gave that voice mail thing what-for. I mean, if she was going to poll the public, I should have been polled. If she was going to cite the opinion of the public, my opinion should actually have been solicited, right? If somebody says a majority of Oklahomans oppose something, don’t you suppose I’d know one person who is in that oppositional majority? And if someone says we said something we didn’t, isn’t that what we call . . . um . . . a lie? I’m just saying.

But you know and I know that the real issue isn’t that she did or didn’t tell a lie. The real issue is her complete disregard for the needs of people in this state. The real issue is her lack of compassion. The real issue is her elevation of politics over her constituents. The real issue is that she has no qualms about using 273,000 taxpayer dollars to travel to events having nothing whatsoever to do with Oklahoma, but balks at a subsidized health plan for its citizens. I mean, why would she deny others the right to proper medical care—and it is a right. Is there something she finds repugnant about the uninsured? Afraid she’ll catch something because they can’t afford to go to the doctor?

The bottom line is that if, God forbid, Mary Fallin develops a life-threatening illness, she’ll be able to choose doctors, facilities, and treatment, courtesy of you and me. If the woman who cleans her house is stricken with a life-threatening illness, she’ll have a choice, too—get well or die.

Boy. It sure sucks not to be governor.




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A psychologist explores the minds of women who murder

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