Ruminations of a Red Dirt Hussy

November 21, 2017


Filed under: General — Vadasmaker @ 2:38 pm

So, it’s the day before Thanksgiving. I’m sitting on the couch in a murderous mood, stewing because my insurance company had denied coverage of the back surgery I was supposed to have Dec. 15. The phone rings, and it’s my car insurance. I got a new car two weeks ago, and last Thursday Jim backed it into a garbage truck. I know, right? What is it with him and garbage trucks? I had gotten an estimate on the repairs that same day, but now the insurer wanted me to take it somewhere else.

I did. After that, I went to Pet Smart to get some cat food, litter, and another water fountain for the cats. I came home and it took me almost an hour to put the fountain together. The diagram and instructions were ridiculous, people.

By the time I finished, I was soaked. So was the floor and the countertop. But the job was done—yea, me. Then I picked up the cats’ food bowl—a gravity feeder we’ve had forever—because I wanted to shake the food and make sure it wasn’t bottle-necked.

Well, the plastic was old and brittle and I got a little too jiggy with my shaking. The feeder top broke, the bottom separated from the top, and 5 pounds of expensive cat food flew all over the breakfast nook, the kitchen, and into both water fountains.


I had no choice but to go to Walmart. I hate going to Walmart on any day, but going the day before Thanksgiving evokes a near-homicidal rage in me. I thought of a couple of other things I needed, though, so off I went. Got the feeder and some applesauce and some things to clean my glasses. Naturally the only check outs available were the self-check outs. I hate them and they hate me. They started it, too. But that’s another story.

I only had a few things, so I thought, oh, well. How bad could it be? It was going pretty well until time to pay. I had money, but I wanted to use my debit card. It has a chip and I stuck it in the little card reader thingy. It ground its little gears, then said “Card declined.” I did what any right-thinking Walmart shopper does and kicked it—just the bottom part. No harm done. The thing then told me to either use another card or pay cash. I pulled the card out and re-inserted it. “Card declined.”

This time my kick-fest was interrupted by a Walmart Associate who said, “Excuse me, ma’am.” Then she pulled my card out and inserted the other end. Card accepted.

Now, this wasn’t my fault. Not. My. Fault. The card has two chips. One on each end. It absolutely does. Maybe not all cards do, but my debit card HAS TWO CHIPS. I might be misinterpreting what is and isn’t a chip, but those cards should come with illustrated instructions. I made the same mistake at UPS, and the guy had to get pliers to get my card out of the reader.

I know I could have avoided most of what happened if I’d just fed the stupid thing money, but I like it when things that are supposed to work, do work.

When I got home, I stood in the den and screamed for two or three minutes. No words. Just screaming. In my other neighborhood someone might have assumed the crazy lady in the corner house was getting the beating she so richly deserved. In this neighborhood they probably just thought Whole Foods was out of organic cranberries.

All I can say is, stupid cats.


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