Ruminations of a Red Dirt Hussy

June 2, 2016

Attention, paranoid white guys

Filed under: General — Vadasmaker @ 10:29 pm

Oh. My. God. Could you guys be more racist? Because that’s what’s happening here, with all your  pissing and moaning about how you’re being discriminated against, how a white man just can’t get a leg up anymore, and how all the jobs are being taken by illegal aliens. White males are not under attack, and if one more guy says that, I will punch him in the man-gina. Since I do not want to go to jail for assaulting a dumb-ass, I would appreciate it if you would pull your heads out and read this.

Nobody has declared war on you. Seriously.

Y’all went into a tizzy when Barack Obama was elected, and your sphincter has yet to unclench. I’m surprised you could get your head as far up your butt as it must be for you to act like such whiny little bitches. I’m pretty sure President Obama is not plotting to overthrow democracy or take your guns. He didn’t tell me that, but some things are just really clear when your head isn’t–well, you know. Oh, and by the way, he doesn’t want your women, either. You, in an effort to secure your position a couple hundred years ago, invented that shit about black men being a threat to your lily-white damsels. Remember? Don’t go believing your own hype.

You’ve spent your whole life in a bubble called white privilege, and yes, it absolutely does exist. Just because you don’t acknowledge it doesn’t mean it isn’t there. It is, and even the most pathetic lowlife, if he’s a white male, has been reaping the rewards of it every day of his life. In the racial hierarchy of this country, you guys have always been at the top of the heap. The default. Citizen neutral.

Now there’s a black man in the White House. Holy shit. The apocalypse is here.

What a load of crap. You’re not unsafe, you’re uncomfortable, and you can’t stand it. It’s good to be king. Not being king would suck.  So, what’re you going to do to hang on to that crown? A better question might be, what won’t you try?

So far, you’ve made complete asses of yourselves with the following actions:

First, you tried to make the President prove he’s even American. What could go wrong? His father is Kenyan, which is, after all, just a fancy way of saying “black foreigner.” Two strikes. Everybody knows that.

Damn it. The man produced every conceivable form of proof that he is indeed a bona fide U.S. citizen.

Stupid facts.

Naturally you weren’t going to be dissuaded by objective reality. You moved on to Plan B. Obama is a Muslim! Those people are mostly dark, right? And he’s already admitted to being a member of a Congregationalist church. That’s practically Unitarian, which is practically atheist, which is just one slippery slope away from Allahu Akbar, right?

That didn’t work, either. Stupid facts. Again.

Finally, in your desperation you came up with Plan C. Donald Trump. He has the best words. Nobody has better words. And lots of money. He’s going to make America great again. He is excellent at making things great again. He’ll build a wall, too. A fabulous wall. AND he’ll make Mexico pay for it. Plus, he’s got those tiny, tiny hands, so you know he’s not going to steal your women.

I don’t want to tell you your business, but from where I’m sitting, Plan C looks pretty iffy. I mean, the Donald is not known for his truthfulness. Or his loyalty. Who’s to say he won’t get elected, then stomp a mud hole in your collective asses and walk it dry? Think about it. You might blink twice and turn around once, and orange will be the new white. And you, my friends, will be well and truly screwed.

So, all this crap you’re doing? It’s ridiculous. You’re wearing yourselves out fighting a war that doesn’t even exist. I mean, just look around. Nothing has really changed. The deck is still stacked against everybody—women, all people of color, all non-Christians—everybody but you.  You’re sitting in the same catbird seat you’ve been sitting in since that Native American genocide you engineered a few hundred years ago.

I know how much you hate facts, but I’m going to give you some anyway.

So for all you white guys standing around with your tighty-whities in a wad, quit being whiny little bitches. There. Is. No. War.

I can’t promise there won’t be when Hilary Clinton is elected.



  1. I love your brain. And your heart. Marry me. Please. Just think of what we could accomplish together.


    Comment by Michelle — June 3, 2016 @ 12:22 am | Reply

  2. I thought you were my girl! I can’t believe it- there are actual stats right there. Makes me ill! I don’t like Hillary (greedy, fake, corrupt-just like a man!) but I like the democratic party – and her ideals. So I will vote with barf-bag in hand The prospect of a TRUMP White House, complete with greasy stripper pole and gold-encrusted potties, makes me hysterical. I don’t know whether to laugh till I pass out or jump off a building. Maybe one of each. That’ll teach ’em!


    Comment by pony tale girl — June 3, 2016 @ 8:05 am | Reply

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