Ruminations of a Red Dirt Hussy

December 6, 2015

‘Tis the season

Filed under: General — Vadasmaker @ 2:39 pm

No, not that season, although it is. The season I’m talking about is the one where I am provoked by nearly everything. I jotted down just a few of them.

  • Men with hipster buns who wear skinny jeans and Waldo scarves. I don’t know who started it, but I want it stopped. It looks ridiculous. Cut it off, let it grow, color it purple. Just don’t do that bun thing. As for the Waldo scarves—when I’m looking for Waldo, that’s who I want to find. If you want to be Waldo, fine. Wear the hat that goes with the scarf and go somewhere so I can look for you. Just don’t appropriate the scarf to accessorize your hipster bun and skinny jeans.
  • Skirts and tops with uneven hem lines. If I have to stand up straight, then my damned clothes had better hang straight.
  • Ordering a $9 glass of wine and being presented with a quart-sized glass holding 4.5 teaspoons of wine. No wine needs that much space to breathe. Just give me the 4-6 ounces of wine I paid for in a glass that can be held in one hand. Seriously.
  • The lack of attractive underwear for women between the ages of 40 and dead. If this Fruit-of-the-Loom looking crap keeps showing up at $10 a pair, I can’t be held responsible for what I might do.  And while we’re at it, how about some pretty, two-hook bras for women with actual breasts? I’m tired of  having to wrestle myself into something that looks like a Kevlar vest with a bow.  You just make them dainty and I’ll worry about the support they do or do not provide
  • People who don’t take care of their pets, leaving me to either take the animals’ poor, nearly dead bodies to the vet to have the job finished or to scrape them off the street in front of my house and bury them. When you say, “But my cat/dog is miserable in the house. I have to let it run free as God intended,” what you mean is, “I’m an idiot who believes that animals think just like I do, and besides that, I can’t be bothered to consider their best interests.” I vote we put a collar on you and send you out the door to fend for yourself.
  • Bacon everything. Don’t misunderstand me. I love bacon. I ate a whole pound of it three weeks ago. Not all at once, of course. I had a BLT, mostly B, on two separate days. So it’s not like I’m not a proper carnivore. But seriously. Bacon ice cream? That’s just wrong.
  • People who believe weight-loss ads that promise you won’t have to diet or exercise. I’ve been dieting for 35 years and I’m here to tell you that if you believe that, you are either high or–and I’m sorry. I have to say it–stupid. I have lost and re-gained enough pounds to populate a small village, and I know for a fact that, barring illness, the only way to lose weight is to expend more calories than you take in. Face facts. If your mascara runs and you want to call that exercise, fine, but don’t expect to lose any weight.

Now I’ve annoyed myself by spending all this time writing this blog.  I’m done.

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3 Comments »

  1. So really, what are some of the things that bother you?

    “Luck is the residue of design.” –Branch Rickey Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Like

    Comment by Doug Kelley — December 6, 2015 @ 3:02 pm | Reply

  2. I’m with you, sister. The man-bun and Waldo scarf is a no bueno combo. But I can’t figure out why I detest the look. Unattractive? Yes. Emasculating? Certainly. But so are man-capris paired with Keds. Why do I so hate the man-bun???

    Like

    Comment by K France — December 7, 2015 @ 9:03 am | Reply

  3. Peeved lately? I don’t have “pet peeves” because they would have to be house-broken.My peeves are clearly not.Yours seem so sweet though. Sweet peeves?

    Like

    Comment by pony-tale — December 7, 2015 @ 3:14 pm | Reply


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