Ruminations of a Red Dirt Hussy

November 2, 2013

Get your hands off my lady parts!

Filed under: General — Vadasmaker @ 12:19 pm
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Another found, possibly not published piece. Wouldn’t want to die with a thought un-uttered, would I?

NOTE TO MY GRANDDAUGHTER: DO NOT READ THIS!

NOTE TO MY SON: YOUR DAUGHTER IS 15 AND MY NOTE TO HER WILL PROBABLY INFLAME HER NATURAL CURIOSITY, SO PLEASE CONFISCATE HER COMPUTER, PHONE, AND IPAD.

ON SECOND THOUGHT, YOU SHOULDN’T READ THIS, EITHER.

My vagina is angry. Not just miffed, or put out, or in a snit. My vagina is jumping up and down furious, enraged, and infuriated. If it had teeth, and God, don’t I wish it did, it would be gnashing them. Even more importantly, it knows a misogynist moron when it sees it. And it’s got a list:

Supreme Court Justice John Roberts, who insists the government has a legitimate interest in the policing of abortion because SOMEONE has to protect members of the fairer sex from their own bad judgment. Don’t be swayed by the fact that he upheld the individual mandate in the Affordable Health Care act. Believe me, it wasn’t all in our best interest. Click here for a pretty good run-down of it http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2012/06/29/us/scotus-healthcare-document-annotations.html

Then the pride of Missouri, the politico with a penis, that rocket scientist—seriously, he sits on the Congressional Science and Technology committee, where, apparently, they welcome anybody who breathes—says that if a woman is legitimately raped, her body will block all trespassing sperm.

You know what my vagina says to all that genius twaddle? It says, “Oh, hell no.” And, while I’ll go no further than this, I will tell you that my vagina knows a little something about rape and pregnancy. So do more than 32,000 other women. A year.

Or maybe it’s the rapist who has to be legitimate. How does that happen? Does he just have to have a good reason for raping someone? You know, like she had on a short skirt, or she was walking in the park by herself, or she was just all around asking for it?

Or maybe he has to get a permit. Can he get it at Bubba’s Bait and Tackle? Or does he have to go to Walmart?  Or is there like a franchise or something? Rape-Mart? Rape-Master? Rape-City? Maybe even an entire mall? Maybe you could stock it, like a pond. Get your permit, find your prey, all in one place. What a concept!

What if you’re an adult woman and you have some kind of birth defect, say, and you aren’t born with that sperm-swatting device? Is there some kind of after-market sperm blaster? Or what?

Or what if you’ve had a hysterectomy? Do they take that sperm blaster too? Or maybe they put it back in after everything else is out? Or maybe these women can take refuge in a rape-free zone, having a vagina that’s kind of a dead end.

And how is your rape-blaster going to know rape-sperm from other sperm? Oh, it knows, all right. It’s sophisticated. It’s like that herbicide, you know, the one that kills Bermuda grass but not your petunias?

Having said all that, I urge you to go to http://jezebel.com/5936160/the-official-guide-to-legitimate-rape. This woman says it far better than I, and she has research to back up what needs to be documented.

And right here, right now, my vagina is throwing a ring-tailed hissy fit, and you know what they say about an angry vagina. Oh, you don’t?

Google it.

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1 Comment »

  1. I think it is very important for 15 yo grandchildren to read this and sons of angry vagina-wielding mothers, too. Stand up and be proud to be angry and to have a vagina – which you take with you, everywhere you go. I own an angry vagina, too – like a rabid hedgehog – that will not be silenced.
    By the way, I am in charge of what goes in and comes out of my mouth and vagina. That includes brownies and babies. Teenage girls NEED this information! Men need to shut the hell up until they can conceive. Then they they can have a say.
    Love you, Carol!

    Like

    Comment by ponytail girl — November 4, 2013 @ 9:01 am | Reply


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