Ruminations of a Red Dirt Hussy

September 11, 2012

Oh, crap. I’ve been Caroled.

Filed under: Blogroll — Vadasmaker @ 10:04 pm
Tags: , , , ,


When TBL says, “That’s classic Carol,” it’s never positive. Like when I blew myself off the porch. Yeah. I told you about that. And when I left my car on the side of the road because it refused to start once, and I figured it was going to happen again. I don’t want to talk about that.

Then there was the time I ran into the house and told TBL something was wrong with my tire, that it was leaking. Turns out a cat peed on it.  What? A tire can’t leak? Don’t be ridiculous. We have a black president. Anything is possible.

Let’s see. What else? Well, I sawed off all the bottom branches of a twenty foot tall Austrian Pine so I could get the lawn mower under it. That really wasn’t my fault, though. How was I supposed to know the branches wouldn’t grow back higher up when the tree got taller?

Then there was the shrimpcident. Oh, and the black beans in the blender thing. Messy, that one.

Can’t forget the year of the hermit crabs. I still have students who ask me if I’ve killed any crabs lately. I kept throwing them away, believing they were dead. Nobody told me crabs molted. I just thought I was, I don’t know, Typhoid Crabby.

Oh. Here’s a good one. Well, a bad one. Whatever.  I had a virus several years ago and slept almost around the clock for four days. Then I couldn’t sleep. So I was watching TV in the middle of the night and this infomercial comes on. For only $99 plus shipping and handling I could own a roomful of inflatable furniture. Not just a blow-up bed, but a bed plus a couch and a chair and a table. How cool is that?

I thought to myself, Self, you never have enough places for company to sit. There’s your answer, right there in living color. And how could I lose? If I wasn’t completely satisfied I could return it for a 100% refund, less shipping and handling. So I ordered it. Then I went to sleep.

Sometime the next afternoon I suddenly remembered that I had ordered inflatable furniture. WTF? Seriously? I called the company and the customer rep said, “No problem. Just send it back as soon as you get it. We’ll refund your money. Less shipping and handling.”

Such nice people! So when it arrived a week or ten days later, I sent it right back. I had to pay $34.78 in postage to return it, but oh, well. Live and learn. When I got my credit card statement, I’d been charged $178.00 for the furniture, and only $99 had been refunded.

Long story short: shipping and handling, $79. Who knew?

This time I am in such deep dooky.  And that is too a word. I don’t care if it isn’t in the dictionary. Not every word that’s a word is in there, and some are in there that shouldn’t be. Snuck? Please.

But dooky. Where I am. Even my boots won’t protect me.

This is what happened. Last night I was in bed with my iPad and somehow I got on ebay. I don’t know how that happens. It just does. So there I was, and apparently I was interested in barrister book cases. You know, the ones with the glass windows that slide into these recesses so you can get to your books? I mean, way cooler than your regular glass-free book cases.

Well, as I said, apparently I was interested in barrister book cases. You wouldn’t believe how many are on ebay.

After about three hours, I found the exact bookcase I wanted. It’s beautiful. Antique. All original. Affordable. Perfect. Except.

Except the seller wouldn’t ship it. Not for any amount of money. I thought to myself, I’ll just go get it. I’ll take TBL’s truck and go pick up that book case and bring it home. So I bid on it and went to sleep.

This morning my eyes popped open and the first thing I thought was that I’d found the perfect book case and bid on it, and I was the only bidder. That was good.

Oh. Wait. I had to go to Colorado to get it. That was bad. It didn’t seem bad last night.  Big deal. Go to Salina and turn left. Done it before, I could do it again.

So I looked up New Castle, CO. Sure enough, go to Salina and turn right. Then, when you get to Colorado, keep going. Past Denver. And Silverthorne. And Vail. And Glenwood Springs.

Then another 13 miles.

And there’s my perfect book case.

Classic Carol.







  1. Oh Carol. You do know you’ll need to take a pickup, right? My mom had one of those book cases and as I remember it they don’t, won’t, fit in a car. Want to make a road trip? It’s only about a 16 hour drive. 🙂


    Comment by Nita — September 11, 2012 @ 10:36 pm | Reply

  2. Damn! Nita suggested it first. I so wanted to go on that road trip! To share in the dooky, of course.


    Comment by Michelle — September 11, 2012 @ 11:21 pm | Reply

  3. My son, Dan, called it “AW-kie” when he was a toddler. I’m up for a road trip, too. Maybe we could have a Thelma, Loiuse, Lottie, Carol, Nita and Michelle Adventure. Or just stay home and let you give us the report.
    I love barrister bookcases, just like Perry Mason’s.


    Comment by ponytail girl — September 12, 2012 @ 12:14 pm | Reply

  4. if you had timed it right you could have gone to the pike peak’s writing conference. but alas that is in april, lol.


    Comment by Rayne McDonald — September 30, 2012 @ 12:16 pm | Reply

    • Do you know that that lovely man brought that book case to me? Seriously. He was going to Joplin to see his kids anyway, and I met him there.


      Comment by vadasmaker — October 5, 2012 @ 7:33 pm | Reply

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Blog at

Female Serial Killers

A psychologist explores the minds of women who murder

%d bloggers like this: