Ruminations of a Red Dirt Hussy

April 29, 2012

Ha! I laugh at that.

Filed under: General — Vadasmaker @ 1:27 pm
Tags: , ,

I went to see Wade Rouse, author of America’s Boy and several other memoirs, at the library tonight. Besides reading from his own work, he talked about how humor is undervalued in the arts. It made me start thinking about what’s funny, what makes me laugh. Granted, what makes me laugh may strike you as very un-funny, but, as you know, this is all about me. If you want to write about you, get your own blog. Or do something funny, stupid, or both, and I’ll write about you.

So what makes me laugh? Generally speaking? Made-up words. Somebody sent me some today that made me laugh.

  • Ignoranus : A person who’s both stupid and an asshole. (These are the people who keep on giving. They never learn, just keep doing the lame and stupid, and I get to keep laughing.)
  • Karmageddon : It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer. (This is our only hope for ignoranuses. Ignoranusi? Yeah, we’ll explode, too, but we’ll go laughing at them, and they’ll just . . . go.)

Also included in this email were some real words with made-up meanings.

  • Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
  • Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
  • Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

I have to stop that now. I’m killing me over here.

What else makes me laugh. Unintentional absurdity. I guess that’s redundant. Still. Like once in the eighties a guy pulled up to the gas pump at a convenience store where I worked. The driver’s side of the car was smashed in and the door wouldn’t open, so he had to crawl out the passenger side. One of the tires was the tiny little spare you get with the car. He paid for three dollars’ worth of gas in pennies, nickels, dimes, and quarters. And after he got the gas he had to get someone to give him a push start.

But you know what he had? A car phone.

Oh, oh. What about this one? Picture it: The Jerry Springer show.  A 40-year-old woman had married her son’s best friend—a 15-year-old. (Yes, they were from the South. Thank you for asking. I wouldn’t have perpetuated that stereotype if you hadn’t.)

So. They’re living in someone’s garage. The kid’s twenty-something brother gives him hell.

“Why don’t you at least get a job? Do yard work, something.”

“I don’t got a rake.”

“I’ll give you a rake.”

Silence.

Brother turns to woman. “Somebody’s got to work. Why don’t you get a job?”

Now the kid jumps in. “No wife of mine is gonna work!”

Oh. My. God. And I am not making this up.

Lest you think I laugh only at others, I do crack my own self up from time to time. Most of the time it’s because things enter my head and I let them sort of fall out my mouth. No filter.

It’s not that I don’t try to keep tabs on what I’m saying. It’s just that I’m always saying something, and I get tired of paying attention. Or I get really, really focused on something. Like, say, Eric Clapton. And who wouldn’t focus on him? He’s a god. So the last Clapton concert I attended, I had left my glasses at home (you know, in case EC looked my way), so I couldn’t distinguish between his entrance and all the roadies’ comings and goings. TBL and I had an exchange that went like this:

Me: Is that him?

TBL: No.

Me: How about that guy there?

TBL: No. Wait. Ok. There he is.

Me: How can you tell?

TBL: By the no chin thing.

Me: Don’t you be disrespecting Eric.

TBL: I’m just saying.

Me: Why don’t you just not say?

So they get all set up and Clapton’s playing and they have all the monitors on.

Me: Ohh. Lookit. His hair’s longer. And cut differently.

TBL: Mm-hm.

Me: And that’s not the watch he usually wears. Plus that shirt—he doesn’t wear shirts like that.

TBL:  Hm.

Me: He doesn’t look good. He’s gonna be 65 in 27 days, you know.

TBL: Didn’t know.

Me: Geez, I hope he’s not sick. He’s kind of pale.

TBL: Probably the lights.

Me: I don’t know. What if he dies? He’s got little kids. Who’ll take care of them?

TBL: Um, I don’t know. Their mother?

Me: I guess. (Pause) I wonder where he’s staying?

TBL: You know stalking’s against the law, right?

Me: Depends on the state. And what you call stalking.

TBL: I’m just saying.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I think that conversation was the result of my attention to detail. Seriously.

 

 

 

 

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5 Comments »

  1. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Like

    Comment by Michelle — April 29, 2012 @ 2:20 pm | Reply

  2. Ha! I laugh at this!

    Like

    Comment by Pam K. — April 30, 2012 @ 7:22 am | Reply

  3. I once heard the secret to happiness is a bad memory, but what of the secret to memoirs? Any dang thing you want to call a memory is a memory. I love made up words too.
    Like a woman who still quits by hand is a dinosewer.(I made that up.)
    Why the short guy couldn’t ride the ride? He belittle.Or he WAS belittled – either one.
    My favorite comedian is Richard Wright and here’s why:
    He said he was in a diner and a big sign said, “Breakfast Any Time,” so he ordered French Toast in the Renaissance.
    Love your posts – in the the Renaissance!

    Like

    Comment by ponytail girl — April 30, 2012 @ 4:49 pm | Reply

  4. QUILTS! not quits!

    Like

    Comment by ponytail girl — April 30, 2012 @ 4:50 pm | Reply

  5. Carol,

    I’ve nominated you for the Liebster Award, which is basically a way of recommending blogs you like and encouraging people who follow you to look at them. It’s a bit complicated, but this is how it works, as far as I can gather:

    The Liebster is a pay-it-forward kind of award, meaning that once you receive the award, you pass it on to others. The rules are as follows:

    Thank the person that gave you the award in a post on your own site
    Nominate up to five blogs with less than 200 followers
    Let the nominees know they’ve won by leaving a comment on one of their posts
    Add the Liebster image above so all your readers know that you are generally awesome

    I can’t do # 4 because I’m a bit of a dunce with technology. Sorry. It seems I’m NOT generally awesome.

    *Note: There is no general committee that bestows this award. It’s just a recognition from one blogger to another for how awesome they are. Kinda like a really big Internet hug!

    So: I don’t nominate Amber James who nominated me, even though she deserves it, because she’s already won the award.

    But I would like to nominate the following (sorry, I can’t nominate everyone whose blogs I’m following; I’m mostly trying to help those people whose blogs are about their writing):

    David Joiner – http://avietnamesenovel.blogspot.com/ – this is about David’s excellent novel (which I’ve read), Lotusland.

    Joe Revill – http://acaseofwitchcraft.wordpress.com/ – about the novel of the same name, a Sherlock Holmes novel that delves into deeper issues than the detective usually tackles. I’ve read this book too and recommend it.

    Carol Johnson – https://vadasmaker.wordpress.com/ – Carol is the author of the moving novel Everlasting, but the blog is about anything that moves her to laughter, anger or tears. It’s very witty.

    Rowan Johnson – http://rowanofficial.wordpress.com/ – No relation to Carol. Rowan is a stunt co-ordinator. She’s also a brilliant martial artist, sword-fighter, actress and circus performer, and this is a thoughtful blog about her training at the Accademmia dell’Arte (which I may not have spelt correctly) in Tuscany.

    Like

    Comment by Garry Craig Powell — May 9, 2012 @ 11:34 pm | Reply


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