Ruminations of a Red Dirt Hussy

March 4, 2012

Leave a number after the beep

I can’t get anything done. The phone has been ringing off the hook for the last two weeks. Every time I answer it’s one of those guys. You know, the ones on TV? The portly one, the rich one, the one with all the sweater vests, and that other guy, the really creepy one?

Usually people are nicer in person than they might seem to be on television. No. Really. They are. Not these guys. They call me, mind you, but do you think they want to hear anything I have to say? They do not. They just run right over me with their blah blah blahs. They’ve all got a bone to pick with the other guy. You’d think they were robots or something, but robots wouldn’t be such asses, would they? Who would think to record his voice saying that if I don’t vote for him the world’s hell bent for—well, Hell—and it’s all my fault.

Well. You know what I think? I think some people just want to get elected. Can you believe it? Like the one with the sweater vests. You know what he’s mad about? Contraception. Know how many kids he has? Seven. No freaking wonder he’s all het up over it. It doesn’t work. Or—think of it! Maybe NOBODY FORCED HIM TO USE IT. So is contraception really a problem? It is for people who need it but can’t afford it. Him? Not so much.

And then there’s the portly one, or Chubby Cheeks, as I like to call him. You know the burr under his saddle? Gas prices. Yeah, I know. None of us are happy about that. However, if I were Mr. CC, I would think twice about smacking somebody upside the head because gas prices are so high.

Know what he drives? An S65 AMG Mercedes. Know what kind of mileage it gets? 12 mpg in town, 19 on the highway. I am not making this up, people.

And yeah, the cost of fuel is tough on all of us, but I’d bet my Amazing Rhythm Aces ball cap that our hardship isn’t what’s got CC in an uproar. I’m just saying.

And then there’s the rich one. I’m not even sure he has an actual issue. I’m wondering if his tie might not have cut off the oxygen to his brain or something. The Blunt Amendment? “I’m not for the bill, but look, the idea of presidential candidates getting into questions about contraception within a relationship between a man and a woman, husband and wife, I’m not going there.”

Minutes later, the other side of his mouth did go there, disagreeing with that statement. Not that it was the rich guy’s fault. The journalist—you know, those people who go to school for years just to learn how to communicate clearly—asked the question in a confusing manner. The poor man “thought it was about something else.”

Apparently, the man’s just simple. Bless his heart. Why else would he tie a dog to the top of his car? It just goes to show—you can send a guy to Stanford, Brigham Young, and Harvard, but you can’t make him think.

And then there’s the one that really, really creeps me out. I’m just gonna say it. Randall Terry. News reports say he’s bringing out the big guns in Oklahoma—the dead baby collection. Not my words. His. In a recent Tulsa World article, Terry said that “getting ‘6 to 7 percent’ of the Oklahoma vote would be enough ‘to show the Democratic National Committee I can cause defections based solely on dead babies and Obama’s tyranny.’” To accomplish this, Terry forked over $40,000 for a series of ads featuring “dead and dismembered fetuses.”

OK. Let me get this straight. Terry has said in no uncertain terms that he doesn’t have any real designs on the presidency. He just wants to “stop abortion.” So he’s using gruesome images of what he calls “dead babies” in order to further a crusade to edify himself.

The definition of tyranny is the arbitrary or unrestrained exercise of power, or undue severity and harshness. The people of the United States elected Barack Obama as president. I haven’t seen any arbitrary exercise of power on his part.

I do see something “harsh” and “severe” about the arbitrary use of “dead and dismembered fetuses” to show how mighty you are.

So you guys—don’t call me anymore. I don’t expect you to heed my request. I didn’t ask you to call to begin with. If you do, just leave a number. I’ll get back to you.

At the polls.



  1. In this campaign, the more outrageous you are, the more attention you get.The whole thing’s like a freakin’ train wreck, yet I cannot look away. We’re the laughingstock of the world. I just had to turn it all off. It was bad for my health.

    Why are Republicans calling your house?


    Comment by Michelle — March 5, 2012 @ 9:04 pm | Reply

  2. I’ve solved my problems by going with VOIP and using Ooma. That lovely little device has effectively cut off all my annoying calls since I dropped the landline. Once I switched to an independent status, I was suddenly getting calls from BOTH parties. You’d think they’d figure out the point of going independent was because I didn’t want to hear either end of the party spectrum, that I wanted to make up my own mind. But no…it only worked in reverse. And do not call lists don’t work for political calls and surveys I don’t want to take. Then I found Ooma with it’s little built in computer and a new phone number. Renewed quiet in my household and I’m saving good money each month.


    Comment by Left-Brained Business for Write-Brained People — March 6, 2012 @ 1:58 am | Reply

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