Home Work

So here I sit, in front of the computer. I’m teaching only online, and I did the happy dance for two weeks in anticipation. I thought it would be the best idea I’ve ever had. It’s not. You know why it’s not? No, no. Don’t guess! I’m going to tell you why.

First of all, I never get dressed. TBL leaves for work and I’m in sweats, because I usually sleep in them in the winter. He comes home. I’m in sweats. Different ones, maybe. Sweats and UGGS. Sometimes I’ll change it up and wear a nightgown. And UGGS. And a sweat shirt over the nightgown. I know, right? Sometimes I go to Quik Trip wearing the same thing I slept in. Well, not the nightgown. But the sweats, for sure.

Second, I’m pretty sure my body is expanding to fit the sweats. Stuff isn’t where it used to be, and if it is, there’s more of it. That’s kind of unsettling.

Second, did you know Jon Stewart comes on like, four times a day? He does. It’s the same episode for a 24 hour period. That’s not the bad part. The bad part is I watch them. All of them. All four. Plus the one I DVR’ed, which is the same as the others.

Third, I have to talk to people. On the phone. Who knew so many people called during the day? And you can’t even tell they’re telemarketers because they have actual phone numbers, not necessarily 800 numbers.  Is that even legal? And they call my cell phone.  My carrier is a call dropping fool, yet I have perfect reception when telemarketers call.

Fourth, TBL talks to me. Every morning. In the morning! Who talks in the morning?  Does he think I really need to be told what Rick Santorum said about Mitt Romney? If one of them was Mother Theresa and the other was Eric Clapton, I wouldn’t vote for either of them. Oh. Well, Eric. That’s just crazy talk. Of course I’d vote for him. But I do not need to be spoken to before 10 a.m.  I am trying to watch Jon Stewart. But I guess that kind of rules out talking for the whole day, doesn’t it?

Fifth and finally, my house is full of cats. I know. You’d think I would have noticed there are five of them, but when I was going to the office every day, I saw one or two at a time. Usually the one that likes to pee on my stuff and the on that stands on me in the middle of the night. Now that I’m home all day, they crouch at my office door, daring me to come out. I’m not crazy. I have a porta-potty and satellite radio. Why should I come out?

I guess I could whine all day, but it’s not all bad. I don’t have to decide what shoes to wear every day. If I must leave my office, like when Jon Stewart is on, I get exercise playing dodge the cat. Sweats don’t have to be ironed. I found out there’s no mail fairy. (Did you know an actual person is behind this mail-delivery thing? And she doesn’t look happy about it either). I now know who stops at the corner and throws his trash from Sonic on my lawn.

And Jon Stewart. Every day. All day. Now that I think about it, that’s worth staying home for.