Ruminations of a Red Dirt Hussy

January 23, 2012

Home Work

Filed under: General — Vadasmaker @ 9:06 am
Tags: , , , ,

So here I sit, in front of the computer. I’m teaching only online, and I did the happy dance for two weeks in anticipation. I thought it would be the best idea I’ve ever had. It’s not. You know why it’s not? No, no. Don’t guess! I’m going to tell you why.

First of all, I never get dressed. TBL leaves for work and I’m in sweats, because I usually sleep in them in the winter. He comes home. I’m in sweats. Different ones, maybe. Sweats and UGGS. Sometimes I’ll change it up and wear a nightgown. And UGGS. And a sweat shirt over the nightgown. I know, right? Sometimes I go to Quik Trip wearing the same thing I slept in. Well, not the nightgown. But the sweats, for sure.

Second, I’m pretty sure my body is expanding to fit the sweats. Stuff isn’t where it used to be, and if it is, there’s more of it. That’s kind of unsettling.

Second, did you know Jon Stewart comes on like, four times a day? He does. It’s the same episode for a 24 hour period. That’s not the bad part. The bad part is I watch them. All of them. All four. Plus the one I DVR’ed, which is the same as the others.

Third, I have to talk to people. On the phone. Who knew so many people called during the day? And you can’t even tell they’re telemarketers because they have actual phone numbers, not necessarily 800 numbers.  Is that even legal? And they call my cell phone.  My carrier is a call dropping fool, yet I have perfect reception when telemarketers call.

Fourth, TBL talks to me. Every morning. In the morning! Who talks in the morning?  Does he think I really need to be told what Rick Santorum said about Mitt Romney? If one of them was Mother Theresa and the other was Eric Clapton, I wouldn’t vote for either of them. Oh. Well, Eric. That’s just crazy talk. Of course I’d vote for him. But I do not need to be spoken to before 10 a.m.  I am trying to watch Jon Stewart. But I guess that kind of rules out talking for the whole day, doesn’t it?

Fifth and finally, my house is full of cats. I know. You’d think I would have noticed there are five of them, but when I was going to the office every day, I saw one or two at a time. Usually the one that likes to pee on my stuff and the on that stands on me in the middle of the night. Now that I’m home all day, they crouch at my office door, daring me to come out. I’m not crazy. I have a porta-potty and satellite radio. Why should I come out?

I guess I could whine all day, but it’s not all bad. I don’t have to decide what shoes to wear every day. If I must leave my office, like when Jon Stewart is on, I get exercise playing dodge the cat. Sweats don’t have to be ironed. I found out there’s no mail fairy. (Did you know an actual person is behind this mail-delivery thing? And she doesn’t look happy about it either). I now know who stops at the corner and throws his trash from Sonic on my lawn.

And Jon Stewart. Every day. All day. Now that I think about it, that’s worth staying home for.



  1. i always found that when I stayed home all day, I had the cleanest stove in modern history. Gleaming! I wiped up spots be-fore they landed! I knew all my potholders by name and reputation. And I resented anyone who GOT to drive to work, wear heels or comb their hair.
    My baby enjoyed my presence, I guess, but I knew it was time to GO to working when I went on a business date with my husband’s boss and his wife. I cut my DH’s fliet into bite-sized pieces and played “choo-choo” to get him to eat.
    When everyone else was ready to dance, DH couldn’t leave the table until he finished his carrots. How embarrassing…
    Sweats do expand to fill your day.


    Comment by lottie — January 23, 2012 @ 9:45 am | Reply

  2. Good lord, Carol, how do you accomplish dodging the cats? I only have one that lives inside, and anytime I get up she thinks that means I’m heading to the kitchen to feed her. Now, don’t get wrong–this cat always has dry food to eat in her dish and fresh water in that bowl. But if I get up to go anywhere, she makes the automatic assumption I’m ready to open a can of the stuff she really want to eat all day long–every time I get up from any chair, no matter which way it looks like I’m headed. I think if I were you I’d just move a television into your office, load up on snacks and bottled water, and keep the door shut. {laugh}



    Comment by Left-Brained Business for Write-Brained People — January 23, 2012 @ 12:24 pm | Reply

  3. Dear God, that was funny, and fun. Thanks, Carol!


    Comment by Michelle — January 23, 2012 @ 12:51 pm | Reply

  4. It seems like you have all under control….every time I hear about Sonic I miss Tulsa…when I ate differently…Michael and I loved to take a drive there occassionally



    Comment by Lily — January 24, 2012 @ 6:41 am | Reply

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