Ruminations of a Red Dirt Hussy

December 13, 2011

Rise and shine

Filed under: Blogroll,General — Vadasmaker @ 3:24 pm
Tags: , , ,

This will surprise nobody who knows me: I hate mornings. I hate the light, the cold, the noise—all things morning shouldn’t be. I hate the residue of sad dreams, the stiffness that time brings. I want to be a happy riser—yes, I do—but it will never happen.

If I ever get up willingly, humming, bright-eyed, assume that aliens have abducted me and left a not-me in my place.

There is no justice in this world. Where is it written that morning is the time to rise? Why not mid-morning, noon, evening? I never really get cooking till seven p.m. or so, anyway. Then BAM! It’s time for bed. That fairly well bites, does it not?

Too much sleep is blamed for too many things.

  • Sluggishness of mind and body
  • Lack of ambition
  • Depression

it goes on and on. And maybe it does cause all that. But I’m not complaining about the amount  of sleep I get, just when I have to stop doing it. And for that matter, how I have to stop doing it. Alarm clocks are instruments of the devil, designed by morning people, who don’t even need them, because morning people leap from the bed like they were shot from cannons.

And speaking of morning people—oh, my God. Could they be more annoying? I think not.

Morning people display this sort of entitlement, as if they’re members of whatever political party YOU aren’t, meaning they swagger, they boast, they tell the whole world that they are the possessors of truth, justice, and the by-God American way.

Ha! Nothing could be further from the truth. And you know what? No, don’t guess. I’m going to tell you. Just between you and me, I wouldn’t be surprised if they were the ones who stole the Christ out of Christmas. Why not? They’re clearly up before the rest of us, and according to their own propaganda, they are more energetic, more ambitious, and absolutely superior to their unfortunate opposites.

All this is so much blather. It begs the question of why people can’t be tolerant of my body clock. Why should I have to adjust to theirs? After all, these morning people should know—since they are all no doubt Bible thumping, scripture quoting, public-praying knuckleheads—that night people were here first. That’s right. We were here first. Otherwise, why did God have to say, “Let there be light?” Huh? Answer me that.

I so wish all the above was true. If it were, it would perfectly explain all my miserable mornings.

However, if it really was true, I would feel far less virtuous at having greeted the day at 6 a.m. 32 times in the last 16 weeks. That’s right. Every Tuesday and Thursday for four months I rolled out of my nice, warm bed at 6 a.m. and was at my desk by 7:15 to prepare for my classes.

I did lie down under my desk twice, but I just wanted to see what it looked like from that position.

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6 Comments »

  1. “Why did God have to say, ‘let there be light’?” I can barely type I’m laughing so hard. By the way, I get out of bed by 6AM most mornings, but that’s only because by then I’ve been awake for an hour and can’t force myself back to sleep. Energetic I am not! Nita

    Like

    Comment by Nita — December 13, 2011 @ 3:35 pm | Reply

    • You’re so funny. I wish I was a morning person–I wish I was, I wish I was, I wish I was.

      Like

      Comment by vadasmaker — December 13, 2011 @ 8:46 pm | Reply

  2. I am enjoying all of ‘ruminations’…keep sending

    Like

    Comment by Lily — December 14, 2011 @ 7:10 am | Reply

  3. I have long had an opinion about early risers, specifically the way people tend to get up earlier as they get older. Young people, teenagers and such, can sleep until noon, it seems, with no trouble at all, while the old folks are up at dawn. Here is what I think: Unlike youth in their blissful slumber, I think older people wake up so early because their conscience will not allow them to rest, suffering from a lifetime of sins. Proof? It is not uncommon at all for me to arise at four in the morning, no matter how late I stay up, or out.

    Like

    Comment by Doug Kelley — December 14, 2011 @ 10:21 am | Reply

    • Although I have never personally “sinned,” this comment somehow has the ring of truth. Hmm.

      Like

      Comment by vadasmaker — December 14, 2011 @ 6:12 pm | Reply

  4. […] Getting out of bed requires five cups of tea, four prayers to the Goddess of Remaining Upright, three firemen, and a winch truck. (See Rise and Shine). […]

    Like

    Pingback by Hell, no, I’m not normal. And neither are you. | Ruminations of a Red Dirt Hussy — January 20, 2014 @ 11:36 am | Reply


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