Ruminations of a Red Dirt Hussy

December 5, 2011

Oh, s**t! It’s still the &*%# season

Filed under: Blogroll — Vadasmaker @ 8:17 pm
Tags: , ,

Hey. Which way did they go?

So I was flipping through channels waiting for a commercial to end on another station. I accidentally landed on a channel I never, ever watch because it makes my head want to explode. I was there for about 45 seconds because one of my cats flew by chasing another one and knocked the remote out of my hand. It slid under the coffee table so I had to feel around under there and get it.

During those 45 seconds, what do you think the subject was? No, don’t guess. I’m going to tell you. The subject was the varmints who took the “Christ” out of “Christmas.” And I didn’t even know it was gone. Shame on me. We’ve got to find it. If we don’t, all kinds of bad things might happen.

Without it, thousands of people would be without jobs. I don’t know why. Wendy’s is hiring, isn’t it?

Without it, the number of uninsured would hit an all-time high.  Serves them right. They ought to go get jobs. See above.

Without it, football and basketball coaches would molest young boys. And deny it. Well, what are those poor, beleaguered coaches going to do? Accept responsibility?

Without it, we might trip and fall into a war in which we spend nearly 300 billion dollars and lose over 2,000 members of the military. But hey. The other guys started it.

Without it, Congress could become an embarrassment. Oops. Sorry. Can’t unring that bell.

Without it, louts would rule, and the First Lady would be booed at a sporting event. Her own fault. What would she be doing in public, anyway?

Without it, the President would be forced to prove he was born in this country. Oh, wait. He’s BLACK. Of COURSE he has to prove he was born here.

Without it, 15 million children would live in poverty. FFFTT. Poverty. That’s a myth invent by deadbeats.

Without it, religious groups would protest at military funerals. Well, somebody’s got to do it.

Without it, interracial couples would be barred from attending certain churches. The Bible probably says that somewhere.

Without it, homosexuals would be beaten, tied to a fence, and left to die on a cold Wyoming night. But then, he shouldn’t have chosen that lifestyle.

I can’t go on. I feel faint. I might have to lie down for a bit. Who knows what might happen if we don’t find the dirty dogs that stole the Christ out of Christmas? What if those same outlaws steal the Han out of Hanukkah, or the Kwa out of Kwanza?

Maybe the ones who stole the Christ out of Christmas are the same ones who carted America off. I keep hearing that we need to take it back.

I’ll swan. It’s a regular epidemic.



  1. We just have to stop watching TV, or at least some channels. And reading newspapers, some of ’em. And talking to people, most of ’em. And getting out of bed. I have Lortabs, Carol. I’ve had them in a drawer since I had some dental work last year and I think about them more often lately. I could share, but we’d just run out of oblivion and have to be big girls again.


    Comment by Michelle Harris — December 5, 2011 @ 10:04 pm | Reply

  2. I’ll swan! Sounds like my late Aunt Dixie. Very clever. I think you should dare submit it to the paper as an editorial comment!


    Comment by lottie — December 6, 2011 @ 8:28 am | Reply

  3. Judging by the kind of response you got today when you informed the class that Christ in Christmas and our country have both been stolen, I think it was an exercise in futility. I really care about that silly Tyler, but I almost hit him when he said ship ’em back. Just think, we came that close to a building lockdown! I know there’s hope, but it’s awful hard to see it sometimes.


    Comment by Michelle Harris — December 6, 2011 @ 3:54 pm | Reply

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